Dozen Soft
A Dozen Things You Should Know About Men
If you want to meet wonderful guys, date more, and find the man of your dreams, you would be wise to understand what makes a man tick. If you don’t know that men are visually stimulated, hormonally driven creatures, then you are way behind on the learning curve. But you would do well to remember some other universal truths. Perhaps not all men have these characteristics, but generically speaking, file the following information away in your dating memory log:
If he doesn’t call or text you after you first meet him…you get one text and one only. If he doesn’t respond, let it go. For whatever reason, he’s not there for you.
In the early stages of dating, if you’re over 35, keep him away from your parents or family members if they’re all dying for you to get married. Their pushiness or over-exuberance at meeting their future “whatever” could scare anyone away.
He will be very impressed if you can cook…and even more impressed if you can cook well. Cooking is seductive. You don’t have to do it for every date, or even once a week, but making dinner for him once in a while will earn you lots of brownie points.
Guys stay interested in someone who is interesting. Your work, hobbies, and individual endeavors that you love to do can lead to conversations that are compelling and captivating. They give you a unique perspective that he is eager to hear about. Talking about shopping or what your girlfriends said or your trip to the hairdresser is not going to hold his interest. If he starts to yawn, you are off the mark.
Guys are attracted to lots of women, but the ones they bond with are almost always the ones who don’t rush into physical intimacy. The longer you wait to sexualize the relationship, the more they trust you—and desire you.
He isn’t a mind reader. If you don’t speak up and tell him what you want and need… he won’t know. You deserve to be treated with kindness, patience, and generosity. You deserve to have your needs honored. He hears you best when you speak softly and don’t carry a baseball bat.
The chemistry is either there for him, or it isn’t. It can’t be forced. (And if you don’t feel it for him, don’t hang on until “something better” comes along.) But if he says he “just wants to be friends,” that means it’s not happening for him and it’s not going to. Nothing you say or do is going to change that. Be a grownup, be kind, and walk away.
Watch out for the expectations of what you think he is, what you want him to be, or what you think he will become “once he gets to know you.” Expectations— and wanting people to be the way we want them to be—are the source of all of our misery in relationships. Expectations cloud your vision and make it so hard to just “be” in the moment. Accept what is—including the fact that if he isn’t it, you’ll have to keep dating other people until you find the right one.
He doesn’t want to hear about your ex-boyfriends. If he asks, keep it general. If you need sympathy or understanding for being mistreated in the past, you need to talk to a friend, mentor, or counselor about it. If you complain to him about your past hurts, he thinks you want him to DO something about it. He can’t, even if he wants to. And you don’t want to manipulate him into a relationship by making him feel sorry for you.
He doesn’t tell you how he feels about something because he doesn’t know. Guys are not as intuitive, introspective, or in touch with their feelings as women are. He can’t tell you something he isn’t aware of.
He likes to hear compliments. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge him. He wants to know what you like about him and that he makes you happy. He also wants your respect. He is not as confident as you may think he is—or, he may think he is.
He wants to be with someone he is proud of. A man likes it when people admire the woman he is with. He wants you to keep yourself looking good, probably has a few private fears that you will let yourself go, and definitely always wants you to be dressed appropriately and dressed to please him—not other women.
Did your mother teach you these things when you were growing up? If she didn’t, now’s your chance to learn what every woman needs to know about men. These are the one dozen qualities that will help you become—a very SAVVY dater.
About the Author
About Tonja Weimer: Published Author: 8 Books, her latest book, Thriving After Divorce, is on shelves now. Her books have won over 25 awards.· Columnist: Weekly syndicated singles and dating columnist (over four million readers in the U.S. and Canada) · Media: Coverage on TV, including CNN’s ShowBiz Today; rave reviews in USA Today, Entertainment Weekly, Publisher’s Weekly · Author: NBC/USA TV Network, selected author for articles on dating and singles for website · Articles: In House Beautiful, New Woman, GRAND, and other national magazines · Coach: Master Certified Singles Relationship Coach; Associate Certified Life Coach; International Coach Federation; Relationship Coaching Institute; Institute for Life Coach Training · Keynote Speaker: Regional, National and International conferences in U.S., India and Europe · Academic: BA; MA in Human Development; U.S. Dept of Mental Health full fellowship
Visit Tonja’s website for more exciting dating tips! www.tonjaweimer.com
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